From the President
We all want to win at whatever "games" we play in life and in business. A critical factor for success is the mental game - how we feel about ourselves and our chances.
In this month's feature article, we illustrate the "dark side"of being a perfectionist. And we offer strategies for taming the inner critic.
Thank goodness the weather has finally improved. See you on the golf course!
Sincerely,
Pam Pound
In this issue
You are the only one who knows whether you have won. Coach John Wooden
LESSONS LEARNED ON THE GOLF COURSE: HOW TO TAME THE INNER CRITIC
My husband and I were on vacation in northern Wisconsin, scheduled for a
9 a.m. tee off at the stunning St. Germain Golf Course. Because it was just the two of us in "high" season, the pro shop had us paired up with another couple.
Helen and John, the other half of our foursome, greeted us warmly at the first tee. We learned that they were teachers and avid golfers who spent summer vacations on the links.
As we waited for the starter to send us off, Helen shared that she had just started tracking her handicap. This is a rather painful process, since it requires the golfer to conform fully to USGA scoring rules. No mulligans. No "hand" wedges. Generally, not much fun for average golfers like me.
overmatched?
My first reaction to Helen's comment was concern that I would be overmatched. But, as we worked our way through the first 4 holes, I was relieved to find that Helen and I were very much in the same league - the "can't break 100" division.
The round was typical until we came to St. Germain's gorgeous and challenging signature hole 5. Lots of water. Sharp dogleg. Elevated green.
Helen's tee shot hit the first water hazard. Then she followed up by hitting two more shots into the ponds. Finally, she struck the ball well but aimed it poorly. It landed in a patch of dense rough. She was lying 7 as the rest of us watched and waited.
If I were in Helen's shoes, I would have picked my ball out of the rough, taken a penalty, and moved on. Not Helen. Determined to avoid another penalty stroke, she dug in her heels, raised her wedge, and took a swing. "Eight," she shouted out loud for our benefit. She missed the ball entirely and dug her heels further into the rough. "Nine. Ten. Eleven."
all about her. . .
By the time Helen's poor little golf ball rolled into the cup, Helen had counted out -- apparently for our benefit -- all 16 of her strokes on the par 4 hole. She picked up her ball and slammed her putter into the golf bag.
If Helen knew that her handicapping program would cap the score at 9 strokes, she didn't allow that information to improve her disposition. In fact, her golf game continued to deteriorate along with her mood. And she wouldn't stop talking. Her comments alternated between berating her performance and assuring us that she was a much better golfer than the evidence indicated.
When the rest of us congratulated each other on a good shot or a good hole, Helen muttered about her high score or poor play. While Ralph and I enjoyed "gimme" putts and generous mulligans, Helen putted until she actually holed the ball and counted every single stroke and penalty.
no fun for anyone
Now, if this were a story about business ethics, I'd need to acknowledge Helen's high standards and point out that, painful as it was (for ALL of us), Helen played by the rules.
But the more substantive lessons flow from our encounter with the debilitating inner critic that not only sabotaged Helen's game but also impaired her ability to relate to the rest of us.
By giving in to her inner critic, Helen empowered negative energy to seize control of the outcome and damage her relationship with the people around her. Imagine how the same dynamic can impact your success in business.
the end game is resilience
Everyone has bad shots, bad moments, bad days. Stuff happens and breakdowns occur.
In golf, in business, and in life, the end game is resilience. How well can you bounce back to reclaim control of your destiny and get the results you want. And what can you learn from the experience.
Strategies and Tactics
No one strategy fits every person or situation. Try these on for size when you hear your inner critic start to complain:
Let Go of Being Perfect: By all means, keep your aggressive goals and high standards. Those define who you want to be. But, as you keep score, make a point of tracking how long it takes you to get up after you fall down.
Stay in the Moment: Inner critics tend to judge the present by past
performance and future expectations. Focus on what you need to do and accomplish IN THIS MOMENT, and forget about where you've been and what "should" happen.
Say "Hello" and then "Good-bye": Since none of us is perfect, it's inevitable that we'll let the critic into our conscious every now and then. Learn to identify its features -- its vocabulary and message -- so that you can recognize the unwelcome intruder and then make a conscious choice to send him or her packing.
Shift Your Attention Outward: The inner critic has a single target: YOU. By shifting focus outside of yourself, you deprive the inner critic of its audience and its target. An added benefit is that others will notice and usually appreciate your attention to them.
Use Your Body to Shift Your Mindset: Be sneaky and dislodge the inner critic by rearranging the furniture. Stuart Heller, author of Retooling on the Run, teaches that our body language aligns with our mindset. So, when you're in a funk, stand up tall, put a smile on your face, breathe deeply. You'll feel the negative energy begin to dissipate.
Get Outta Town: Remember a moment in your life when you felt absolutely GREAT. Perhaps you won a contest, met a challenging goal, or got a promotion. Relive that experience, thinking about how great you felt in that moment. This is your "get outta town" destination. When the inner critic starts to sabotage you, take a moment to connect with your "outta town" destination. Breathe in the feeling and enjoy it!
Laughter: The physical act of laughing reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and stimulates the brain. It's also a great tool for doing a reality check on what's really important.
Pinnacle Success Partners, Inc. helps business owners and professionals maintain a winning mindset. Call 708-651-2483 to request a complimentary consultation or send us a message.
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ten tips for running a business (successfully) with your spouse
(1) Clearly define the vision of what you are jointly trying to build and how that fits into the lifestyle you want to create.
(2) Discuss the roles and responsibilities you each want to take on. Confirm that you're in agreement and that this division of labor will serve the business well.
(3) Define the "operating principles" that will guide how you will work together. Notice what (if anything) is different from how you partner in your marriage.
(4) Decide which decisions each person should make independently and which should be made as a team.
(5) Have a detailed financial plan and budget that addresses how you will meet family financial obligations when the business is in start-up mode or struggling.
(6) At the outset, decide which marital assets are "off limits" and protect them from creditors.
(7) Schedule a regular meeting time to report to each other on the activities for which each of you are accountable and to address breakdowns and opportunities.
(8) When you find that you disagree with each other on an issue, avoid the temptation to engage in debate. Instead, ask questions of each other to understand what's behind each person's point of view. Consider using a role reversal process in which you each vigorously defend your partner's point of view.
(9) Keep marital and family issues at home.
(10) Carve out family and couple time that is sacred and jointly commit to protect it vigorously.
Pinnacle Success Partners, Inc. helps owners of family businesses with a variety of issues -- from interpersonal effectiveness to planning for succession. Call 708-651-2483 to request a complimentary consultation or send us a message.
attention illinois employers: training grants for the asking!
The Illinois Department of Commerce and Economic Opportunity sponsors a program that reimburses Illinois employers for up to 50% of the cost of training. Our business partner, Clear Concepts, Inc., will assess and coordinate your grant requirements and submit an application on your behalf. To get more information on this opportunity, email us at info@pinnaclesuccesspartner.com and reference "grant info."
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